28-year-old brother refuses to loan money to older sister to help her pay rent, sister blames him for being ungrateful after she practically raised him: ‘You wouldn't be where you are if it wasn't for me’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jul 9, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

There are plenty of older siblings out there who have found themselves becoming a parental figure to their younger siblings, for better or for worse. Sometimes it is because their own parents were not really around, or did not care enough to put effort towards raising their younger kids. Other times, it is mostly due to their parents simply needing help, needing an extra hand, and turning to their oldest children for that.

Whether or not that is the right thing to do is a question for another day; we're just saying that it happens, and it happens plenty.

Being in the shoes of the eldest sibling who must step up is a challenging task, one that requires a lot of sacrifice. Many eldest will tell you that they never got to have much of a childhood, because their main focus was to ensure their young siblings got one instead.

So, what happens when these siblings get older, and the roles are reversed? How far should young siblings go to help the sibling who practically raised them? When is it time to say enough?

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  • Those are the questions that are being asked in the story below, and we are curious to know your answers. Keep scrolling to read the full story, and let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

  • 01

    AITA for not lending my sister money even though I have a high paying job now?

    I (28M) recently started a new job in tech that pays really well. Honestly, it's the most money I've ever made in my life, and it's completely changed how I
    via o_50
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10527076096
    via Georgijevic

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    live. I grew up in a single parent household, and my older sister (32F) was a huge part of my life when we were kids. Our mum worked two jobs, so my
    via o_50
  • 04
    sister kind of took on a parental role when she was still just a teenager. She cooked for me, helped me with homework, made sure
    via o_50
  • 05
    I got to school on time. I've always been thankful for that. The issue is, her adult life has been pretty messy.
    via o_50
  • 06
    She's never been great with money. She's bounced from job to job, tried a bunch of different "business ideas" that didn't go anywhere, and
    via o_50
  • 07
    constantly asks people to loan her money or invest in things. She doesn't have. any savings and has borrowed from our
    via o_50
  • 08
    cousins, our mum, and even old friends. A lot of those relationships are strained now.
    via o_50
  • 09
    A couple of weeks ago, she called me and said she was being evicted. She asked if I could give her $5,000 to help her stay in her place.
    via o_50
  • 10
    She said she'd pay me back as soon as things "picked up." That's something she's said before.
    via o_50
  • 11
    I told her that I couldn't give her that kind of money right now. I've been saving up for a house deposit and trying to be smart with my finances.
    via o_50
  • 12
    She got really upset and told me that I wouldn't even be where I am if it weren't for her raising me.
    via o_50
  • 13
    She said she gave up her childhood for me and that I'm basically abandoning her now that I've "made it."
    via o_50
  • 14
    I tried to explain that I appreciate everything she did when we were kids, but I also can't keep giving out money when I know
    via o_50
  • 15
    there's a good chance I'll never see it again. She hung up on me. Now our mum is texting me saying my sister is sleeping on her couch and
    via o_50
  • 16
    that she's in a really tough spot. She says I'm turning my back on the one person who was always there for me.
    via o_50
  • 17
    I feel guilty. I really do. But I also feel like my sister brings these situations on herself and expects other people to fix them. I'm not
    via o_50
  • 18
    sure what the right thing to do is anymore. AITA for not helping her this time?
    via o_50
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10527070976
    via Annie Spratt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 20
    Rebel_Grrl Unpopular opinion here, but I was in your sister's shoes and I see this from - Her perspective.
    via Rebel_Grrl
  • 21
    Taking on a parental role as a teenager messes you up. Your sister never had the freedom or stability you've had, and honestly, it's no surprise to me that she's
    via Rebel_Grrl
  • 22
    struggling now. For years, I was like her — lost, constantly bouncing between ideas, not really knowing how to build a future because I never got the chance to build a solid foundation for myself.
    via Rebel_Grrl
  • 23
    It's not as simple as YTA or NTA. I see arguments for both. But one thing stands out to me: this isn't just about "another failed business idea" - this is
    via Rebel_Grrl
  • 24
    about her losing her housing. That's a very different kind of emergency. If you truly care about her - — and I believe you do ― maybe think about helping
    via Rebel_Grrl
  • 25
    in a different way. You're not obligated to give her money, but maybe offer to pay for therapy, or help her find resources or support that aren't just another
    via Rebel_Grrl
  • 26
    cash loan. She probably doesn't know how to ask for the kind of help she really needs.
    via Rebel_Grrl
  • 27
    amongthepillows NTA. Your mother has some nerve to guilt trip you when her parenting is the reason your sister is in a "really tough spot".
    via amongthepillows
  • 28
    Hiding Raccoon Very soft YTA: I am not saying you should lend your sister 3500$. But she needs help generally and you are in a position to
    via HidingRaccoon
  • 29
    help. You are ta for not doing anything. Your sister isn't helped with one-time- lending, she needs some structure that will long- term help her to lead a stable life (she helped to provide the same to you).
    via HidingRaccoon
  • 30
    I'd sit down with her and your mother and think about what actually would help her long term instead of fixing her short term problems (and how to repay all the money she lent).
    via HidingRaccoon
  • 31
    That solution probably will also cost money which probably you will have to spend, but maybe there is an actual chance of seeing it again?
    via HidingRaccoon
  • 32
    ScopelsDope - Nta remind your mum she was the one that parentified your sister not you and she owes her for that.
    via ScopelsDope
  • 33
    It s ks your sister is in this position but a loan is paid back, you know you'd never see that money again so it wouldn't be a loan, it would be giving away part of your house deposit.
    via ScopelsDope

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family drama aita kids brother mother siblings reddit story parenting rent loan family sister Reddit money parents children Father
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